Thank you guys. All of your validation means a lot to me. Once my mother left the Truth and started sleeping around and doing drugs it reconfirmed to me what the Society always said. If you leave the truth your life would fall apart. At least this made sense to the 9 year old boy that I was. This turned me into an uber JW. Street corner every Saturday morning before the service meeting and more FS. Field service every day during school vacations. I did this until I was 18 and had enough not fitting in any Kingdom Hall and left not knowing TTATT. 18 years of living in constant fear of Armageddon I finally discovered TTATT a year and half ago.
Nihilistic Journey
JoinedPosts by Nihilistic Journey
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10
I Didn't Belong
by Nihilistic Journey ini remember an art project when i was six years old.
the teacher handed out felt pine trees that we glued to burlap sheets.
everyone then attached little pieces of colorful material to the felt trees.
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Nihilistic Journey
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10
I Didn't Belong
by Nihilistic Journey ini remember an art project when i was six years old.
the teacher handed out felt pine trees that we glued to burlap sheets.
everyone then attached little pieces of colorful material to the felt trees.
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Nihilistic Journey
hoser you belong anywhere you want to be. It's taken me way to many years to figure it out but its true. At the root of every person is the desire to be accepted. If you accept them they will accept you. Granted there are exceptions to the rules but generally I believe this to be true.
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10
I Didn't Belong
by Nihilistic Journey ini remember an art project when i was six years old.
the teacher handed out felt pine trees that we glued to burlap sheets.
everyone then attached little pieces of colorful material to the felt trees.
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Nihilistic Journey
I remember an art project when I was six years old. The teacher handed out felt pine trees that we glued to burlap sheets. Everyone then attached little pieces of colorful material to the felt trees. Everyone except for me as I was only allowed to use plain white pieces. I did not know why. I only knew I did not belong.
I remember the third grade where I sat near a girl I liked named Tenniel. She watched as I couldn’t participate in birthday treats. She observed as I was banished to the library during holiday parties. Shortly before Christmas she passed me a note. Excited I hurriedly read it. The note read “I am sorry you are Jewish”. I didn’t know what being Jewish was. I only knew I didn’t belong.
I remember riding in the car with my sister and mother. My mother drove us to an old dilapidated white house near downtown. The house always had a peculiar smell and was always filled with strangers. As my mother ventured off and left us all alone with the strangers I never knew why. I only knew we didn’t belong.
I remember when I was ten and my mother would come home with different men. They would stay in her bedroom all night. I was forced to scour the kitchen cupboards trying to feed my sister and myself. I didn’t know why it fell on me. I only knew we didn’t belong.
I remember being one of God’s chosen people standing on a street corner every Saturday morning. As I peddled the unwanted magazines all alone no one paid me any mind. I didn’t know why I got up so early every Saturday. I only knew I didn’t belong.
I remember standing around the back of the Kingdom Hall after every meeting. My hands in the pockets of my burgundy suit paints while I pretended to read the bulletin boards. Over and over I studied the same assignments so no one would see how alone I was. I didn’t know why no one cared to talk to me. I only knew I didn’t belong.
I remember my first year of middle school. As the boys tried to make sense of their changing bodies they asserted dominance over others. I couldn’t protect myself the day I was punched in the chest. Holding in the pain and the tears I knew that Jehovah wanted me to turn the other cheek. He said that “an answer when mild turns away rage but a word causing pain makes anger to come up”. I didn’t know who authored that proverb. I only knew I didn’t belong.
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13
What not to do when trying to fade...
by Nihilistic Journey in1. do not get drunk before a pearl jam concert.. 2. don't register to vote while drunk.. .
3. do not get your picture taken while registering to vote while drunk before a pearl jam concert.
4. do not give drunken permission for the newspaper to run the picture on the front page!.
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13
What not to do when trying to fade...
by Nihilistic Journey in1. do not get drunk before a pearl jam concert.. 2. don't register to vote while drunk.. .
3. do not get your picture taken while registering to vote while drunk before a pearl jam concert.
4. do not give drunken permission for the newspaper to run the picture on the front page!.
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Nihilistic Journey
Cleaning up my basement and found the paper. It's funny how something that most people take as normal behavior like registering to vote can cause so much anxiety in others.
I've always wondered what happened when people saw this but I was able to successfully fade. And when my family was pressured to shun me they left too. I left not because I stopped believing but I couldn't handle it any longer. A few months ago I finally broke from the fear of Jehovahs vengeance with help from lurking around this board. Thanks all.
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What not to do when trying to fade...
by Nihilistic Journey in1. do not get drunk before a pearl jam concert.. 2. don't register to vote while drunk.. .
3. do not get your picture taken while registering to vote while drunk before a pearl jam concert.
4. do not give drunken permission for the newspaper to run the picture on the front page!.
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13
What not to do when trying to fade...
by Nihilistic Journey in1. do not get drunk before a pearl jam concert.. 2. don't register to vote while drunk.. .
3. do not get your picture taken while registering to vote while drunk before a pearl jam concert.
4. do not give drunken permission for the newspaper to run the picture on the front page!.
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Nihilistic Journey
1. Do not get drunk before a Pearl Jam concert.
2. Don't register to vote while drunk.
3. Do not get your picture taken while registering to vote while drunk before a Pearl Jam concert.4. Do not give drunken permission for the newspaper to run the picture on the front page!
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Bringing children into this System of Things.
by Nihilistic Journey inbefore i left a number of years ago i remember getting bombarded with the message that we shouldn't have children as it wasn't fair to them.
they would have to grow as conditions got worse during the end.
is there anything in the literature or was this just through talks.
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Nihilistic Journey
Before I left a number of years ago I remember getting bombarded with the message that we shouldn't have children as it wasn't fair to them. They would have to grow as conditions got worse during the end. Is there anything in the literature or was this just through talks. Anyone else remember this thought and has it continued past the time I left 20 years ago?
thanks
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Did you get " Counseled " about the Music you Listened to While you were a JW ?
by flipper infrom the time i was a small boy - i loved rock n' roll music.
beatles, rolling stones, led zeppelin, hendrix.
i started getting slighted for the music i listened to as i lay in my bedroom listening on headphones to led zeppelin's song " black dog " at age 14 with my elder dad looking suspiciously at me as i'm rocking out .
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Nihilistic Journey
My dads elder friend was a huge Bob Marley fan but had the nerve to complain about my REM tape because one song was called Losing My Religion and listening to that would make me atheist...wait he was right!!!
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Good idea or bad idea?
by stephanie61092 infirst and foremost, thank you so much to so many of you who have reached out to me over the past few days since my post on sunday.
i'm not totally in the best mental state, however, i do have a very small amount of people that i can lean on for support.
i relayed my feelings to a friend (my only friend, really), who took the initiative to inform my family.
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Nihilistic Journey
Don't give up on therapy. It is changing my life for the better. Be true to yourself and don't focus on just getting reinstated. If you don't want to donate then don't. Let your actions speak. Demonstrate "zeal" by conversing with your family about "great" things from talks and from the magazines. Maybe ask an elder for a personal study to "strengthen" your faith then kiss @$$ to get him to go to bat for you.
